May 5th Is Naked Gardening Day

Tomorrow is world naked gardening day, and we’re here to tell you why gardening naked isn’t for everyone.

By DAVID on May 4, 2018
(Photo by Carsten Koall/Getty Images)

…And we’re here to tell you why you just shouldn’t. Naked gardening is a thing, and it happens on the first Saturday in May. That’s also Cinco de Mayo, just by sheer happenstance. There’s even a full website devoted to the “holiday” (that we won’t link to because their home page has pictures). It may sound all fun and dandy for some, but here are reasons why you shouldn’t garden naked.

The website says that naked gardening can be fun, like swimming naked. They also call it family-friendly, and while some families are in to that, I’ll pass, really. “First of all, it’s fun. Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude. Moreover, our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment. Gardening naked is not only a simple joy, it reminds us – even if only for those few sun-kissed minutes – that we can be honest with who we are as humans and as part of this planet,” the website says.

Now for why you shouldn’t garden in the flesh. Well, first of all there are a lot of things that can “get you.” Think of all those thorny rose bushes, or other “stickers” that we find here in California. I can’t stand it when I snag my arm on a thorn, nevermind my – yeah. Ever seen poison ivy? Ever seen poison ivy on your, uh, yeah. Also, bare feet on sticks and rocks tends to hurt a little bit. Clothing helps to absorb our sweat as we work as well, which leaves it nowhere to go but down and in. Plus, image if you fell back onto something while squatting.

Some more reasons – bugs. Spiders, bees, flies, mosquitos – all the bugs. Don’t forget about ticks either. Pulling a tick out of somewhere there shouldn’t be a tick isn’t fun. The sun also, you know, burns “underexposed” skin pretty quickly. Don’t forget one of the most important reasons of all – pockets. Well, a lack of pockets. Where are you going to put your phone or your water bottle. Your trowel for digging? There’s a whole bunch of other reasons over here as to why you shouldn’t garden naked, we’ll let you read through them. What other reasons can you think of that aren’t listed?

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